All of My Words
by SilverExorcist405
Summary: Killua is treating Gon like a piece of trash, while Gon is scrambling, trying to figure out why his friend has sunken into a hole of depression. When Killua goes to far, will Gon be able to recover? Will he be able to forgive? ONESHOT there's some bad language folks, just so you know...


Killua sulked in the corner, brooding in the shadows.

Gon stared at his companion, worried. Killua had been doing this lately. He had sunken into a deep place within himself, and he bit out at anything that approached him.

Gon was reminded of the wounded animals that he sometimes had come across. No matter what he said to them, no matter how soothing his tones, they would bare they're teeth and snarl dis-trustingly at him, forcing him away. They wouldn't let him help them, but instead snap ferocious jaws and slash sharp claws towards the person who was only there to help them. Gon still had scars from such encounters.

Gon got up from his chair and walked across the hotel room towards the kitchen. All this worrying was making him hungry.

Coming back with a bowl of pretzels, he offered some to Killua, a bright smile lighting up his face.

"Who would want something so salty? Seriously, you're going to get fat."

Killua looked away from his friend, missing the pained expression in his friends eyes.

Gon retreated back to the couch. Curling up in a ball around his bowl of pretzels, Gon put on his thinking face and stared at the black tv screen in front of him.

Fumbling with the remote, he stared at the curious black box for several seconds before pressing a random button. Miraculously, it was the correct one, or at least, he assumed it was because the bright screen light up with amazing colors, laughing figures, loud noises.

Just as Gon was about to see what was on, a pale hand snatched the remote from his hand. The tv shut off just as miraculously as it had shut on.

"Don't watch stupid things. They'll only make you dumber than you already are."

Killua's voice was cold. Gon looked down at his hand where the remote had been. A small scratch from where the remote had been ruthlessly yanked from him oozed out little beads of blood. It stung slightly, and Gon stared at it for a moment.

Killua completely ignored him, and then returned to his gloomy corner.

Gon got up once again, and went over to clean the small wound. He didn't want the pretzels to be bloody. Thrusting his hand under cold water, it tingled. The pain was nothing to what his felt like. It was almost as if Killua was slowly sawing through his soul. Why couldn't he just tell him what was wrong?

Gon tried to recall some Mito-san logic for the situation. He remembered that doing things with some one often let you know how they were feeling. Gon nodded, confidence returning. It was worth a shot.

Returning to his place on the couch, Gon twiddled a pretzel with his fingers.

"Hey Killua! Do you want to go do something? How about we go explore the town? Or maybe-"

"No."

Killua's tone was flat, hostile even. It was the final word. Gon didn't catch on however. He didn't deflate. He was going to help his friend, and _that _was what was final.

"Ok, then why don't we go train? I saw this great place at the edge of to-"

"Shut up Gon. You're annoying. Seriously, stop being such a pain. I don't want to baby sit you."

Killua didn't even blink.

Gon glanced away, hurt. But then he felt his resolve harden. This was Killua, his best friend. He wasn't giving up on him now.

"Really, we can do whatever you want-"

"I SAID SHUT UP ALREADY! What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were suppose to have this amazing hearing, damn it!"

Gon stared at his friend, stunned, as he was yelled at. Killua seethed, eyes gleaming with deadly intent. He was _really _mad.

Gon bit his lip.

This was the first time advice from Aunt Mito wasn't working.

Something was obviously bothering Killua. Gon wanted to know what is was. Gon felt like slapping himself. He should have just asked in the first place!

"Hey Killua, what's wro-"

"I thought I just told you to shut your trap, you freaking whore."

Gon clenched his fist. What was Killua trying to do? Was he purposely trying to make Gon feel bad about something? Maybe he didn't want to be with him anymore?

The thoughts drained Gon almost to rock bottom.

Killua?

Not wanting to be with him?

Gon searching for his father _without Killua?_

Gon living _without Killua?_

Gon couldn't speak, couldn't breath.

The thought was unthinkable.

Gon shivered slightly, wanting to run over and hug Killua at that very moment, tell him not to leave, beg him to stay. But he knew Killua wouldn't want him to do that, especially not now when he was in a bad mood.

Gon munched on a couple of pretzels, trying to think of another way to drag his friend out of this shell of forlorn hatred. Maybe he could change Killua's mind about wanting to leave him, if that was the case.

Shoving another pretzel into his mouth, he though over the words Killua had said to him so far. He flinched internally when ever he recalled the harsh words. Did Killua think that badly of him? Gon must be a horrible friend.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea came to mind. Bouncing up in a fit of glee, he knocked over his bowl and scattering pretzels everywhere.

"Watch out you clumsy idiot! What is fucking wrong with you. Just stay still for a few seconds, you dumb ass." Killua's eyes glared fiercely at him. He was REALLY mad.

"So-sorry..." muttered Gon, quickly scrambling around to pick up all the half broken pretzels. Some had slid over to Killua side, and as he bent over to pick one up right next to Killua's chair, he was stopped by a foot.

The foot stepped down on the pretzels, crushing it into a pile of dust and little pretzel crumbs. Gon, who was on his hands and knees, stared at the foot in shock, until it connected with his ribs.

"Hurry up and get away from me, filth."

Gon scurried away from his friend. Killua's voice held no remorse. It was hard, harder then stone, and as cool as ice. Gon found it difficult to relate such a merciless voice to the friend he held so dear. But if that was a part of Killua, then Gon excepted it.

That didn't mean he liked it though.

Gon backed away in the kitchen. It was only when Killua was out of sight that he let himself collapse on the cool, tiled floor, clutching his ribs. Pain flared through him.

Choking slightly to avoid screaming, Gon crawled over to the cabinet. Retrieving a box of chocolates he had hidden there earlier, Gon attempted to stand up.

Leaning on the counter for a moment, he caught his breath. He looked between his fingers and saw crimson.

Damn it, he thought.

Pulling up his now stained shirt, he was confronted by a huge black and bloody bruise. Killua hadn't broken his ribs, but hell, he had been _really _close.

Gon smiled slightly. Only Killua could do that so efficiently, because of course, that's exactly what Killua had meant to do.

Gon bit his lip. Gosh it hurt, but the real reason why it hurt so much was not because of the physical blow as such as the mental blow.

_Killua _had done this to him.

Gon shook his head.

Something was wrong. This wasn't the Killua he knew. The Killua he knew would never hurt him. _Never. _

And just like that, that modicum of doubt that had begun to seep into Gon's heart was swiped away as easily as a fly.

Gon limped slightly across the kitchen, but righted himself as he stepped back into the common room where Killua remained. The ex-assassin glared death at him from across the room.

Gon brought out the box of chocolates from behind his back, waved it in front of him, and smiled.

The next thing he knew, a claw morphed hand was at his throat, and a spitting voice was breathing in his ear.

"Do you take me for a fool? You think to confront me with what I love, you weakling? Just because you have chocolate, you think I'll stop treating you like the shitty piece of trash that you are? Too bad for your sorry soul."

Gon breathed in deeply once. Blood rolled down his neck. He felt a hand suddenly apply pressure to his side, right where a blotch of red had formed.

Gon winced, and more blood slid from his throat.

More pressure was applied.

Gon closed his eyes and lapped at the pain. It burned, o how it burned. He just kept chanting to himself the same thing. This isn't Killua. This isn't Killua. This isn't Killua...

A hand pushed into his side, trying to force some sort of reaction from the raven haired boy.

THIS ISN'T KILLUA. THIS ISN'T KILLUA. THIS ISN'T KILLUA.

Gon's thoughts pounded, and so did his side. Blood...blood on the floor.

His vision was getting slightly blurry.

The hand on his throat left him and joined the other and pressed against his side.

"THIS ISN'T KILLUA!"

When the pressure suddenly left, Gon fell over. His head fell into something warm, something wet. It took a moment for him to realize it was his own blood.

"What the _hell _did you just just say?"

It was barely a whisper, but Gon could hear it clearly. Despite the fact that he had lost some blood, Gon was sort of okay. He'd gone through worse, hands down. But right now, he was going to be fine.

At least, he kept telling himself that.

Trembling, he got to his feet. He spat a bit of blood from his mouth. He couldn't stand that metallic taste.

"I said, _this isn't Killua. _This Killua I know, he would never say mean stuff to me like that. He would never hurt me. He would never..."

He stopped when he realized that somebody was laughing at him.

Gon looked around, trying to the find the source. All he found was the mirthless face of Killua, who Gon soon realized, to his horror, was the source of the lifeless chuckling.

Snickering, Killua narrowed his eyes at him.

"I can promise you, _this is me." _

Gon felt like shaking his head, but he didn't. That look in Killua's eyes...it was murderous. But he could tell it was actually Killua. No body was controlling him. It _was _him.

And that hurt more than the blood gushing from his side or the blood trickling down his throat.

Gon looked down at his feet, feeling the emotions choke him.

It took him a moment to realize that Killua was leaving the room.

"Where are you going?" he blurted, voice constricted. Killua didn't even turn around to look at the ashen face of his friend.

"Out."

And with that, the door slammed behind him.

Gon stared at the closed door, and he had never felt more lonely in his life.

Collapsing on the sofa, Gon shut his eyes. He suddenly remembered the chocolate, but then realized that Killua had sneakily taken it within him.

So he was less important to Killua than chocolate.

The tears came, slowly seeping from his tightly shut eyes.

What had he done wrong?

Was it something he said?

Something he did?

Maybe this was just something that would wear off. Killua would return tomorrow, chipper and his usual self. Everything was going to be fine.

* * *

It had been three days since Killua slammed the door in Gon's face and disappeared in a swirl of hatred and pain.

Gon hadn't eaten or drunk anything throughout that entire time.

In fact, Gon had hardly moved from his postion on the couch.

He hadn't even tried to heal the huge wound on his side. It had stopped bleeding. Probably because there wasn't anymore blood left in him to bleed in the first place.

Gon ignored the fact that you could see his ribs through his shirt. Malnutrition gnawed at his limbs. His bones protruded like unwanted stones.

A fly circled above him and landed on his open wound. Gon couldn't have cared less. Let it suck at his blood, let it feed off his flesh. Now that Killua was gone...how could he live anyway?

The day past by like a fading memory. The night slipped through his fingers faster than the wind.

Four days now.

And then it was five days.

And at midnight, Gon could only stare at the ceiling blankly.

Six days.

Six days.

Six _cruel_ days.

Gon closed his eyes slowly.

Six days...

And then his hearing picked up the faint treading of silent footsteps so well trained that he could easily have mistaken them for the breeze.

Gon was too tired to open his eyes. Too tired to move. Too tired to even twitch.

He heard the door slide open, and a horrified gasp. Gon sensed a somebody approach him.

The flies that fed on his side flew up at the sudden movement. Just as they were about to settler back down, Gon sensed a hand swat them away.

Gon peeled open his eyes and stared directly back into the blue, familiar ones.

Gon wanted to say his name, but his lips were so crusted together and his lungs where so empty that he couldn't speak.

And suddenly there was water on his dry, dry lips.

He hadn't realized just how thirsty he was until that moment. He gulped down the water, knowing that it was Killua who gave it to him. It was Killua who gave him the bread right after. It was Killua who cleaned the wound that he himself had inflicted. It was Killua who bandaged it.

And it was Killua who was crying, standing over him. It was Killua who was saying he was sorry. It was Killua who assured him that all of his words he hadn't meant.

It was Killua who said that he'd never actually leave him.

Gon closed his eyes, but they shot open again as he felt a hand on his ribs. They were feeling the bones that so shamelessly protruded up to the skin. Gon looked at Killua.

"Gon...please forgive me."

The words slipped from Killua's mouth like rain drops from a grey cloud.

Gon smiled, his lip cracking and blood rolling down his chin.

"Idiot...I forgave you a long time ago..."

Killua's eyes widened, but he quickly wiped the blood running down Gon's face.

Gon closed his eyes again.

Water fell onto his cheeks. Was it raining? Was there a leak in the hotel room window?

Cracking his eyes only slightly, he saw that it was Killua's tears that so gently dropped onto his face.

Gon smiled faintly again, and then fell asleep in Killua's arms.

Killua lay Gon smoothly down on the fresh sheets of the bed. He had been a total asshole.

Killua shook his head, and looked down at his friend.

The darkness engulfed them both, leaving Killua's thoughts stranded beneath the moon of that night. The reasons why he had tortured Gon, both physically and mentally, lost forever in those hidden stars not gazed upon by the naked eyes of man.

The reason why Killua had so brutally beaten his friend rests in your faithful hands, dear reader.

But the reason why he came back will be the same no matter what anyone might say.

Ironically, Gon had found himself thinking the same thing.

Killua living a life _without Gon? _

The thought was unthinkable.

* * *

Thanks! Please review! I hope you liked it! Again, please give me any feed back you could possibly offer. It's much appreciated and EVERYTHING is taken into consideration, I promise! Anyway, I hope you liked this oneshot!


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